RIP Mr. Dumbest Bird Ever.

I killed a bird with my car today. (Murderer.) And I did not feel bad about it. (Sociopath.) Wood pigeons are either suicidal or the dumbest animals on the planet. I suspect it's the latter.

Exhibit A: Columba palumbus, aka Wood Pigeon, Culver, Ringduen (Ring dove), Skovduen (Forest Dove)Today a wood pigeon flew down from the sky and landed in front of my car while I was doing 80 km/hr. I was the only car on the road, and indeed the only moving object within sight, but apparently the patch of asphault 7 meters ahead of me was the place to be. I really hope that bird really liked that piece of asphault becaues he's going to be there forever now.

I rolled my eyes and tapped the breaks when I saw him flying down but then I thought, surely he's not actually going to land there. Plus, what's the point in possibly driving off the road for a stupid bird that should probaby be eliminated from the gene pool anyway. So I hit him doing about 75 km/hr.


Exhibit B: A cloud of feathers aka 'What I saw in my rear view mirror (minus the demonstrators and the Capitol building--Google Images you let me down this time but I will forgive you because you are usually pretty awesome).'I also felt a small bump under the tire. I am sure that Mr. Bird died even faster than instantly. Actually , it was kind of cool to see. Until you have either plucked a chicken, or seen a wood pigeon commit suicide in your rear view mirror you really can't appreciate how many feathers a bird actually has on it's body. Answer: Alot.

The funny thing is, I really don't remember ever seeing bird road kill in the US. Maybe I'm just romanticising things or maybe my memory is bad but I really can't recall ever seeing even one example. And I'm really thinking hard here. Anyway, here in Denmark I have seen a few dead crows and magpies, mostly on the the side of the road. Usually it looks like they were hit while eating something else that was hit earlier. Occupational hazard of being a scavanger I guess, and fair enough. But the wood pigeon carcases are all over the map. On the side, in the middle, to the left of center, to the right of center, etc. I can't even figure out why a wood pigeon would be on the road at all. Are there a lot of bread crubs or seeds out there?

As for why Mr. Dumbest Bird Ever chose to die today, we'll probably never know. Maybe he was severely depressed. Maybe he saw his wife out with a peacock and knew he could never please her in the same way. Maybe he had booz for breakfast. Maybe he was blind and deaf. But he was probably just really really stupid.

I wonder if they even have brains.