Already overwhelmed...

I think I have too much on my plate. I have a few first dates set up and frankly, that's sort of already more than I can deal with. I had a chat with a (very) hot social worker guy and the conversation turned to the date I have tomorrow with the hot (of course he is) soldier guy and I just got this really bad feeling in my stomach about it. That kind of feeling that, even when you don't totally undersrtand where it's coming from, you don't ignore.

I haven't done anything out of the ordinary and have been completely forthcomming and honest with all parties involved, but truth: This 'juggling of attention' thing is not me, and has zero potential to make me a happier or better human being. So I took my profile down.

Hopefully something will come of the contacts I've already made. At the very least, I will be meeting some interesting people in the next few weeks or so, and maybe there'll be mutual butterflies-in-the-stomach-thing with one of them and somebody will want to tolerate having me around for a while. (See, that's already more like it.)

Semi-vegan girl back on the "meat market"; seeking grass fed boy to share in some of life's adventures

Again with the page breaks! So hard to read :( Apparently it works if everything is a quote so that's the lousy fix I'm going with...

So it feels like I am the ONLY single person living outside of Copenhagen. About a month ago I had a close incounter (i.e. we were in the same room) with an attactive young man roughly my age and I nearly stripped off all my cloths right then and there. A couple days later cute guy rode past me in the forest on his mountain bike and I seriously considered turning Cricket around to chase him down...yelling something like, "Let's take a water break together!".

Long ago a seed was planted when someone I met at a party had told me about net-dating and how the girls were really lucky because there's way more men that women on there. Recent desperation combined with listning to my favorite radio sex/love advice guy (Savage Love Podcasts--totally dig that guy)advising a caller to not be such an old fashioned douche bag and use net-dating like the rest of the world in the 21st century; combined with a fairly agressive marketing campain by "Dating.dk" involving basically every bus stop billboard space in all of Sjælland, combined with me being bored out of my mind at home the past few days with two really bad colds in a row and...

Voila! I am now officially net-dating and it is AWESOME.

The awesomeness started with writing my profile. I think that if all this net dating stuff goes nowhere at all, it has been a really good exercise for me to have sat down and formulate then articulate (in Danish!) my thoghts about who I am and where I am in my life right now, and also to think really hard about what it is I would like to find right now. I sort of went a little (a lot) overboard with the profile writing in the end. I think I started out pretty ok, but then I got wise to how things work and in I let it get out of controll. The good advice to follow would probably to make your profile short and sweet but taking good advice has never been my forte and I may have to add chapter headings to mine.

I found that when I started I didn't really know what to write. I knew I wanted "to not be completely alone" but exactly what sort of relationship was I looking for? A. Flirt? B. Date? C. Boyfriend? (Apparently "D. Eventually all of the above, and pref' but not nec' in that order" isn't an option.) How tall or short should this flirt/date/boyfriend be? What sort of weight range and body type (there are seriously like six categories for body type)? Then the hard stuff.

WHO AM I? What sort of qualities am I looking for in a flirt/date/boyfriend? SELL YOURSELF. Define your market. [Curser blinks on blank screen.] So I wrote some shit up and clicked send. Then I went boy surfing.

OMG, yum. And, as I suspected, I am the only single person located outside of Copenhagen (I knew it!). I imediately found a few hotties that seemed at least first-dateable and clicked, "Interested!". Then, after no time at all, "bling, bling, bling"; "You've got mail"...

...from wierdos. Nothing like a spontanious offer of anal sex (that rhymes!) to kindle the fire of a long and meaningful relationship. But there was also "Interested!" notices from a few normal-ish sounding people who were so unbelievably not my type is was insane. Like, they were hot and all, but WTF were they thinking clicking on me? No way was I their type. Like, what are you, bodyboilding tattoo guy living in central Copenhagen, exactly planning for us to talk about on our first date? Or were you planning to talk? I mean, I know those are the most flattering pictures I have of myself in that photo album but, let's get real: Do I come off as the type you don't take home to your mother?

Also, I am pretty sure I was explicit that my hobbies are basically running around alone in the forest and hanging out with domestic animals. So what all the night-out-on-the-town city types thought we were going to do together in our free time is beyond me. Also, did I not clearly say men 22-36, Mr.47 year old...wait, just a minute, OMG, you also live in south Jutland? (Ok, so clearly I'm not not the only one living outside of Copenhagen...)

But seriously, what on earth are these old guys thinking? To be fair, the write ups of several of them really did give me the impression that they may have been type when they were younger but I am just not turned on by anyone that much older than me. It starts to feel Dad-ish. Plus, the long term reprocussions of being with someone that old sort of scare me off of purposly starting anything. I magine that I will wind up growing old with someone someday but preferably at roughly the same rate, ya know? One guy actually thought that telling me that his two adult daughters were "horse girls" growing up would be a selling point. Uhm, no.

I figured that having "American" in my screen name was probably acting as something of a freak magnet but I couldn't come up with anything else catchy; I
decided to employ other tactics. Reading lots of profiles gives you an idea of what is good, or at least what you like. So I expanded mine a bit. And, tentatively, I put in a few of the flattering pictures of me in work cloths and cute shots of the ponies and such. Like, maybe some of these people can't read between the lines, so let's give them some visuals.

A few more people clicked "Interested!" but after chatting back and forth a little it was clear that people were still reading things into me that were totally off base. One guy who I had actually set up a date with right at the beginning (while I was still in the giddy phase, and before the 'advanced filter' style profile went up) kept comming afterwards with hinting questions and as time went on I had more and more a feeling that what he really wanted was a wife-replacement for his house on Møn (google map it--that shit is FAR away from me...and anything else). "Nice photos...kind of looks like the nature we have down here." "Oh, horses...horse lovers paradise down here." I was starting to dread our date but I figured at least it would be "an experience". Then he came out with it, totally explicit style. Would I be willing to move down to live in his home town if things got serious. WTF dude, how should I know how I'm going to feel in a few years if/when we are in love. I don't even know what I'm going to eat for dinner! Date canceled.

I should also mention that apparently this is one of the more "serious" dating sites because you have to pay for it. That combined with the reality that the majority of people my age have been dicking around for quite a few years figuring themselves and their lives out and are now getting ready to settle down whereas I am sort of traveling in the reverse direction on life's journey--settled down first, trying to figure my shit out afterwards--sort of makes me the odd man out in the general dating community on this site. I needed to find a way to better get that across. I mean, it's not like I am sure I don't want those things someday--it's just that well, I'm also not 100% sure that I do, and I definitely do not have a timeline in mind.

Armed with a bit more of a feeling of what these profiles are supposed to contain and also, realizing that I had to scare off some of the non-compatibles if I wanted to keep my sanity (obviously there is no way to keep the wierdos away) I went to work. I sort of got into it and went crazy town writing an entire novel and putting all sorts of photos including even some of the not-so-flattering ones of me working and LOTS of horse pictures.

Like I usually do with things I've written, the editing process has been ongoing and nonstop. I re-read and tweak and rearrange and correct language errors like 200,000 times a day. Obsessed much? Temporarily, yes. I have finally made myself sick and tired of re-reading it so I think it's done--or at least I can't stand to do anything more with it.

Imediately I stopped getting so many "Interested!" notices. I was feeling pretty good about it, but was also a little worried that maybe I had taken things too far. I mean, better a few too many mis-matches in the mix than nobody "Interested!" at all, right? Then I got an "Interested!" from a hot firefighter who had a bunch of photos of himself hiking in Nepal. (Be still my heart!) I wasted about an hour chatting with hot fireman guy before he broke out the "I want a wife and then lots and lots AND LOTS of babies" routine. Clearly I still hadn't gone far enough...so I added in my secret weapon--stating explicitly that I would never marry again. Bouyah. Plus I changed my search criteria from "boyfriend" to "date" to make myself seem less serious. (Drastic times call for drastic measures.)

Things have slowerd WAY down but amazingly a few people have still "Interested!" me, and a couple of the people I have been "Interested!" in have "Interested!" back. I am sort of in shock. Maybe I won't be alone forever! (!!!)

Here's the masterpiece (translated) in all it's glory:

P.S. How cool am I that I could write all that in Danish (NOT relying on google translate!!)? Very cool if I do say so myself. :)

"Non-traditional girl seeks boy with open mind"

About me:

I grew up in the suburbs near Seattle but have lived in Denmark six years
now. I moved here in 2006 when I married a Dane, but we left each other a year and a half ago. We are still good friends and because we didn’t have any kids together, it’s a good thing we have a shared dog to keep us a little in each other’s lives. I have decided to stay in Denmark permanently because my life is here, and Denmark has become my home now.

I am only (already!) 29 but have been through a lot of big things in my life—got married young, moved to a different country, and also got ivorced
relatively young—and of course it’s changed me; but I think that, in all ways, the experiences have made me into a better, bigger, and more interesting person. I am a very positivegirl that thinks life is awesome. I am very “chilled out” but also adventuresome and because I have figured out that a lot more interesting things come into my life when I don’t try to follow a particular path, I have thrown the map out of the window.

When I first moved toDenmark I lived in Northwest Copenhagen and then
afterwards in Lyngby, but I’m most happy to live in the countryside like I do now. At the same time, I think it’s important for me to take a trip into the city once in a while; just put on some nicer cloths and go to a café or museum. I like to meet new people and get to know when, but am much more the ‘cozy gathering of good friends’, than the 'big party with a bunch of strangers’ type.

I love animals and nature, and spend most of my free time together with my dog and ponies and take trips into the forest as often as I can: running trips, horseback riding, mushroom picking, etc. I love to cook; a lot of dinners these days are sandwiches because I’m so often out of the house, but I think it’s totally fun to make a big menu for dinner guests or make a new recipe in the evening to try something new. Once in a while I get an itch and suddenly feel like I need to do something creative—I’m not especially good at anything but try anyway, so once in a while some strange art-like things are produced or I write a short funny story on my blog.

I have a degree as a high school biology teacher and formerly worked as such, but now I make a living as a handicap helper. It’s a relatively easy job that gives me a lot of ‘air’ in my life so I can manage to do a lot in my free time. Besides my “real” job , I have a small business where I work with horses as a hoof trimmer—something I learned to do in the US before I moved here. Just recently I got a hold of some nelected ponies and, since I’m getting interested in working with kids again, am beginning to give training/riding lessons to some kids that live nearby whileI fix the ponies up. It makes life a little too busy at the moment, but better that than being bored at home!

I am a girl, so of course I like to be romantic, but it’s the small everyday
stuff that means the most to me. I would much rather have a hug and a kiss out of the blue than a bouqet of roses on a certain date. My idea of a really special day is sleeping in and making brunch together. Maybe we’ll have to argue a little over who gets to choose the music while we work in the kitchen (I vote foke!), but really have not lived until you have tried my
blueberry pancakes. ;)

*Warning*

There's dirt under my findernails more often than they are painted with nail polish (although I always wash my hands before I cook), almost always have at least one bruise on my legs, my hair chooses it’s own color, and in the summer my arms are dark brown and my stomach snow white because I go around in t-shirts instead of bikins. I’m naturally slim and try to take care of myself but I do not kill myself toachieve a certain weight. I usually put on a few pounds at Christmas time and do not want to hear any complaining about it. (But at the same time you may do the same ;) I’m not allergic to lipstick—it’s just that I live in a way that chapstick is often more relevant. Look in at my photos—you can see me how I am in there.

The car and house are always a chaos and I do not clean them as often ask I should. You’re welcome to hire a cleaning lady if it’s a problem for you.

I love kids and think my life would feel really empty without a few around me (look at my photo album!), but I have been satisfied with my role as ”aunt” so far, and am not burning to be a mother myself yet—and who knows if that day will ever come or not. If you’re "ready and waiting to start a family", this girl is not the baby factory you are looking for. Move on!

I travel once or twice a year to the US to visit my family but otherwise don’t dream especially much about traveling to other countries. I’ve seen quite a bit of the US and Europe and enjoyed (a lot, actually) my travels, but that’s not what’s at the top of my list right now and as there’s never enough time or money for everything, that’s not what it gets used on. A camping trip to Fynen or Sweden sounds really fun, but a trip around the world is not for me right now—but you are of course welcome to take off without me. I’ll miss you loads and take good care of your fishtank while you’re gone. ;)

If at some point you dream of seeing me in a wedding dress, I have quite a
few professional photos of it. I hope that can be enough for you. I don’t
think I could promise to be with someone “forever” again when what I actually believe in is being good towards one another forever, and together only as long as that’s the best thing for both of you. I know that destroys the fantasy a little, but I still hope that a family of some sort and a long relationship with someone I love is in the future for me (although I am in no rush to get there!)

______________

So, is there anyone who dares?

Looking for:

I want to find someone who is interesting and who enriches my life. I think that someone I can talk to and be silent with, have experiences with and relax with, laugh and cry with, do things together and come home to when we've been appart will make me very happy. I don't want anything too casual but am also not on the hunt for a husband. Let's take it slow and see what happens (for f' sake!).

It's probably best that you, like me, are an independent person with your own life and interestes. I do not have a picture in my head that you have to live up to and I'm not perfect either, so as long as you can live with your faults and still be happy I ought to be able to do the same.

I should also say that you will have to have enormous patients for my crappy Danish, learn "Danglish", and unfortunately still listen to a lot of English. But my American accent is real cute. ;)

I managed two casual dates before round two of worst cold ever struck me down again. Interesting people, but nothing I think is going to go anywhere. As soon as I am back on my feet the adventures will continue...

Let this be a warning to all of you (JK) // Breaking up is actually not that hard to do (and feels awesome) dunna dunna dunna

(No idea why there are no paragraph breaks. Sorry.)

So the last friend I have left from my brief stint at Copenhagen University, Pål, has been behaving himself like an ass for about the past year. We used to be able to talk about anything and while I was at school we saw each other a few times a week. After a while there developed some nice flirty sexual tension which was mutually acknowledged, but nothing ever came of it. When I stopped school I obviously saw him less but after a while he started acting really strange. I could tell the sexual tension thing had sort of run it's course and died a quiet death but I had hoped/assumed that the friendship would still be there.

Cut to me being the only one who ever initiates things, and him becoming progressively more and more dodgy about taking calls and scheduling meet-ups.

Anyway, after literally a couple of months trying to nail him down to a coffee meet-up in Copenhagen (i.e. way more inconvenient for me than him) so we could exchange the books we had loaned each other the last time we saw each other--when he came up to visit me in my old appartment BACK IN DECEMBER--I finally got him to answer the phone. He was super akward and told me he wouldn't be able to arrange anything until after some trip he was taking to Turkey with his class and by the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy... he has kind of a girl he's seeeeeing/daaating, ......actually she's his girlfriend. [Akward pause inserted by him.]

This was sort of ironic timing because just the day before I had found out (by noticing the new name on the mailbox and then, all the moving boxes full of girly stuff that I saw all over the house when I opened the door to drop off Ven for the weekend) that Morten's girlfriend has moved in. I am proud to announce that my first and only reaction to the news was to be really happy for Morten.

Back to akward phone conversation...

I didn't know what to do with the wierd energy coming from Pål so I was just like, "Well, oooohhhK, call me when you get back then.". I've been sitting on it for a few days but you know what? I made a decision and wrote this email to him today:

Pål,

I've been waiting and trying to say this in person to you but I just want to have it done now. I am breaking up with you--as a friend. I really don't know what the fuck is going on with you but you're barely in my life at all and what little interaction we have makes me feel like crap. The world is full of people who won't want to spend time with me, but somehow you're the only one who makes me feel wierd about it. I have been feeling for a long time like you have lost interest in seeing me (which is fine) but still allowed me to drag you through coffee meet ups and a tortorous visit to the countryside out of some misplaced sympathy for me or cowardly inability to speak up about what you're feeling (not fine). And Jesus, Morten had an easier time telling me his girlfrfiend moved into the house we bought together than you did telling me you're dating someone. WTF, egotistical much?

So here's the deal, people who continualy make me feel bad do not get to continue to be in or potentially in my life. I know what it's like to be busy and to have friends that are busy and that is NOT what this feels like. You've had a bunch of chances, so now you can just return my fucking books in the mail. It does shitty things to my head to continue to wonder/hope about what is going on with you/our friendship and why you are being so elusive and is it just me being sensitive and just give him another chance and blah blah blah. It's not just me being sensitive, and I deserve better.

[Address was here]

Please do it sooner than later so I can wrap this shit op and cross it off my to do list. I need your new address so I can do the same.

P.S. I feel so much fucking better already.

And you know what? I do feel better. A lot better. :)