Ready, set, ... Foods to have "on standby" in your fridge

Sometimes the stars allign and I have tons of time to cook, other times I need to be able to throw something together quickly so I can get out the door again.  I have found that making a few basics and then having them ready and waiting in the fridge is a great way to make sure I can make something healthy and tasty without being late for work.

Lentils/Beans
I always have either pre-cooked beans or lentils on standby in the fridge, and occasionally both.  Lentils only take about 20 minutes to cook so you don't have to be super careful about running low on them, but beans need to soak overnight and then boil for an extended period of time the next day.  The good news is that you can freeze beans once they're cooked and once they're in little baggies in the freezer they're pretty much as handy as a can of beans, while still being better for you, cheeper, and better tasting than canned.

Beans and Lentils taste great mixed into spinach, made into hummus/bean spread, and eaten on their own with or without extra flavoring (depending on how much of a rush you're in).

Lentils at the ready.

 

"Butter Beans": Dry, cooked and ready to eat, and frozen.

 

Caramelized Onion
Just about every recipe seems to start with sauteeing onions in a pan first.  I prefer to skip this step and just add a spoonful of pre-caramelized inions to the pan and get crackin' on the rest of the recipe.  Plus, doing a big batch of onions allows you to use WAY less oil and cook them at a lower temp to avoid burning yet still promote browning.  It also means that you can buy a big bag of onions without worying that they will go bad before you use them up.  These also freeze down really well so you can keep a litte in your fridge and then retireve the next portion when you start to run low. 

Like I said, using these is a great way to save time cooking without altering the recipe in any way.  They're also great as a condiment in and of themselves.  Frozen peas with caramelized onion and sauteed mushrooms is one of my favorite foods!

The onions cook down to about half the weight and size of the raw onion. A one kilo bag of onions makes about 3 of those little mini baggies worth. I stuck one in the fridge to use right away, and two in the freezer to pull out when the first bag runs out.

 

Sauteed Mushrooms
Pretty much exactly what I said for onions, but insert "mushrooms" wherever you see "onion".  BTW, white button mushrooms are my new best friend for everyday cooking--10 kroner for 400 grams!

 

 

I bought a ton (more like 1.5 likos) of mushrooms at the grocery store and did a huge sauteeing marathon.  Whitecaps for everyday use, and some portobellos too. 

 
Roasted Garlic
I don't always have this on hand, but when you have to buy four heads of garlic at a time, it's the best way to use it up and store it before it starts to sprout on you.  Pre-roasted garlic is an easy way to add mild (milder than raw or quick sauteed garlic anyway) garlic flavor to just about anything and it freezes well.  

First, cut off the tops.  This makes it easier to get the garlic out afterwards.

 

Wrap the heads up in tin foil, and bake at 350F for an hour or so.  I saved one harlic bulb to use fresh, and roasted the other three. 

 

When they come out they look like this--the top will be dark brown or black, and the insides will be really mushy.

 

Squeeze the bottom of the bulb and the mushy garlic cloves come right out.  

 

Put them in a little jar or plastic bag and store them in the fridge or freezer for later use. :) 

Spinach. How to cook kryptonite, and like it.

Spinach used to be one of the few foods that I would NOT, under any circumstances, eat.  When I was a kid I to throw up when I ate it.  In one famous incident, a spinach lasagne supplied by my Aunt Susan sparked a battle of wills between my parents, the spinach, and myself.  In the end the spinach was eaten, cold, several hours after it had been picked from between the edible pasta layers and the end result was a toilet bowl full of green barf.  I'm not sure who won the battle but I won the war; I was never forced to eat spinach again. (I also pulled this card out from my sleeve in order to avoid eating my mother's long-boiled zucchini--always made from garden zucchini the size of a dachshund which, as we all know, is the prefered stage to harvest the most flavorful and firm specimins.  "It maks me feel like I'm going to throw up", I would say, and that would be the end of that argument.)

But Superman, green foods are packed with nutrients! 

Have you tried it in lasagna?

Well, I made peace with zucchini LONG before I gave spinach a try again.  Raw, like salad leaves, I never had a problem with; but cooked, I steared clear of it at every possible opportunity.  The only time I allowed it to pass my lips was in small quantities in quiches where it couldn't really be avoided (or tasted).

Given that it is apparently sooooo good for you and that it is one of only two green leafy vegetables that I can get my hands on in Denmark, I knew I would have to make peace with my old nemecis. 

Behold, two basic recipes for spinach that not only don't make we want to barf, but that I really look forward to eating:

Spinach and lemon juice and/or with walnuts and/or with lentils or beans
This is one of those recipes that I throw together and is different each time.  It's good every time and the only caviat I will give you is to be careful not to overdo the lemon juice.  Here are the basic guidelines:

1. Defrost frozen spinach in the microwave.
2. Add a little bit of lemon juice to cut the strong taste of spinach and add some fresh flavor (not to mention nutrients).  BTW, it's true what they say about fesh lemon juice being better: better tasting, and better for you.

Theoretically you can stop there.  But why!

3.  Add some caramelized onions (it's nice to have these pre-made on standby in the fridge) and/or some sauteed mushrooms (again, pre-made on standby in the fridge). 

4.  Add some chopped walnuts.  They taste great with the spinach/lemon mixture and give nice texture.  Walnuts are extremely nutritios on their own but eating them together with spinach enables you to absorb certain nutrients from the spinach that would probably otherwise just pass on through.  (I think it's the oil in the walnuts that enables absorption of fat soluble vitamins but don't quote me on that.  It's just a guess.) 

and/or

5. Add pre-cooked lentils or beans--I like white beans best.  This adds tons of nutrients and helps turn a side dish of plain spinach into a main dish.  Most recipes for spinach call for either cream, cheese, and/or eggs because spinach flavor is so well complimented by creamy textures and flavors.  Both lentils and beans add a creaminess that is really nice.

This is one of the most filling and satisfying things I have learned how to make since starting this whole food journey.  Because I have the onions, mushrooms, and either lentils or beans pre-cooked and sitting in the fridge most of the time, this is extremely fast to throw together as either a quick meal or as a lunch to take with me.  It tastes fine cold and re-heats in the microwave like a champ. 

 
Here's my greek yogurt bucket to-go (oh the irony) of de-frosted spinach, squeeze of lemon, puy lentils, and walnuts.  This was a day where I was running low on pre-prepared stuff.  I was going to be gone from the house all day, so still had to prepare something to eat on the go that contained enough of the types of foods that would keep me feeling full and energized for a full day of activity.  It did the trick, and tasted great even without the caramelized onions and mushrooms. 

Italian Flavors Spinach (or, for those of you with a mullet: Pizza Flavored Spinach)

This recipe was inspired by a photo I saw on Pinterest.  I saw the photos and re-pinned it but have not actually ever looked at the recipe. 

Here was the inspiration from Pinterest.  It was called Italian Spinach:

Link to actual recipe here, not that I've looked at it yet. (Uptade, I looked at it.  I think my recipe sounds tastier. Plus, who has dry vermouth laying around?)

Here's what I threw together (this made a huge batch that I could not eat all of, even as a main course for dinner):

4 sundried tomatoes, chopped up
2/3 can of whole tomatoes, gished
200 g frozen spinach, reheated in microwave
2 tablespoons caramelized onions (from my "standby stash")
2 tablespoons sauteed mushrooms (from my "standby stash")
a bit of black pepper ?? (Can't actually remember if I used that or not but it seems like it would be a good idea even if I didn't.)
60 grams of those gigantic white-beans (again, from my "standby stash")  I think these oversized white-beans looked striking in this dish but I am sure that any of the more common, normal sized white-beans would taste just as good.

Those amounts are very aproxamate.  The only one I can remember for sure was that I used four sundried tomatoes.  I am sure the dish will taste just as good with more or less of any of these ingredients.

1. Defrost the spinach in the microwave.

2. Meanwhile, add everything except the beans (and spinach) to a pan and get things bubbling a little.  Since the onions and mushrooms are already pre-cooked you don't have to get anything browned, just warm it through.

3. Add the spinach and beans and mix everything around.  Keep it on the heat just long enough to get the beans warmed through too. 

4. Eat.

This was SOOOOOO amazingly delicious.  Like, WAAAAAAY better than I was even anticipating.  My first mouthfull I was like OMG, this tastes like pizza.  In hindsight, I should have thrown in some garlic too and will probably try that next time.  But serisously, this combo needs no improvement. 

P.S.  I nuked the leftovers the next day and they tasted delicious too.     

 Other spinach recipes I want to try:

Sauteed Portobello Mushrooms and Spinach
Link to recipe here. Main flavors are red wine and fresh basil (besides the spinach and mushrooms of course). Drop the parmesan to make it vegan.

 

Garbanzo Beans/Chickpeas and Spinach
Link to recipe here. This photo confuses me because those are not garbanzo beans and the recipe calls for two chopped up red bell peppers and there are no red bits in there. Whatever, the recipe sounds interesting: cloves and bell peppers appear to be the main additional flavors. I think I would use more spinach than what is pictured; more like a 50/50 ratio.

 

Vegan Lasagna Spinach Bites
Again, haven't even looked at the recipe (which is here), but the idea sounds great.  This would be a pretty dish to serve for guests and, if it re-heats well, nice to have in the freezer for emergency snacking.

Spinach Pesto
Link to recipe here. Pesto usually goes on bread or pasta which I am trying to avoid eating too much of but I am pretty sure it can go on other stuff too (Including the quinoa crust pizzas I made and will feature at a later date.) so at some point this might be nice try out.

There you have it folks, I'm a convert.  And if I can do it, you can do it too.  And by 'do it' I mean eat a big ol' bunch of spinach every day (or kale, or any of the other green leafy vegetables if you have access to those).  It's one of the healthiest foods you can eat, and it also happens to be cheep, and easy to have hangin' around in the freezer.  No excuses, get cookin'!   

Stayin' alive, ah ah ah ahhhhhhhhh! What-the-hell-am-I-going-to-cook-to stay aliiiiii-iiiiii-iiii-iiiive?

Since starting on my vegan/plant based diet/nutritarian diet adventure at the start of August, I have struggled to figure what to eat a lot more than I anticipated. A lot more.  Besides the expected mourning for now forbidden food (soft boiled eggs...pout, pout.  blue cheese...waaaaaaaaah!) I have had to figure out, all over again, how to cook most of my recipes (and say goodbye forever to others); figure out new things to eat; and adjust to eating foods in different quantities.

There was (and still is a little tiny bit) an identity chrisis sort-of-thing that happened when I realized that I wasn't actually that good of a cook.  Like, not only could I no longer figure out anything to make, but I realized that a lot of the things I used to make took basically no skill and I was/am complete rubbísh when it comes to knowing what to do with spices. 

For example, before I could whip up an openface Swedish rye bread sandwich with sliced pears, creamy blue cheese, and lingonberry sauce on top.  Most people, including my former self, would have thought of this creation as pretty healthy and sort of upscale.  Cue the: "Oohhh, Erika, this is soooo good; you're suuuuch a good cook!".  But the truth is that it takes no more skill to make than a  peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wonderbread.  Take away my fancy bread, my blue cheese, and my jam preserves and all I'm servin' is a pear on a plate. Reality check!  

And my one and only spice trick was to use nutmeg on unexpected foods.  This is still a good trick by the way, but I need more than one trick pony now.  I need a whole stable of trick ponies.  (ONLY figuratively of course.  I have tried having an actual stable full of actual ponies that we tried to train to do tricks but we all know how that worked out in the end.)  Did you know that nutmeg tastes really good with cinnamon and also on kale?  Now you have a trick pony too.  It is also on lamb and ground beef but that's sort of irrelevant now, isn't it. 

Anyway, after coming back to Denmark with lots of ideas about what I was *not* going to be eating, and some lists and diagrams of what I should be eating I atempted to construct some "meals".  Poor Johnny ate some seriously dry and underspiced piles of mixed (i.e. random) vegetables those first couple of weeks.  Sweet man that he is, he cleaned up his plate and told me that he loved me anyway but I had to eat that food too and it was not inspiring me to be a vegan for the rest of my life.  Filling yes; Satisfying, no.

Thank god for Pinterest and the more experienced vegans who had so kindly pinned lots and lots of beautifully food-styled vegan recipes for me to peruse and re-pin.  At time of writing I have 656 pins on my "Whole Foods Plant Based Recipes" board and 114 pins on my "Healthy and Healthy-ish Desserts" board.  A lot of those pins are duplicats.  For example, I pinned like 7 recipes for broccoli soup so I could compare recipes and come up with what I thought I would like and for the foods and spices I have access to.  BUT, there are still a lot of good recipes and good inspiration (some of the recipes aren't vegan as written) there that should last for a good long while.  It was a really good way to get started. 

Before I get into the sharing of recipes portion of this, let me lay out the ground rules of how I am trying to eat:  After seeing Forks over Knives and reading The Engine 2 Diet (which relates back to the film), I read the book Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman.  After the film I realized I needed to go vegan, but after reading Eat to Live I realized that I needed to do a LOT more than just stop eating animal products.  What Eat to Live recomended totally made sense and I realized that while a bit "extreme" (actually it's not extreme, it's the typical western diet that's extreme) it was totally the way to go.  And I figured that if other people can do it and be happy for continuing to do it, then certainly I could do it and continue to do it too.

First off, the new food pyramid in my life:

 

Vegetables as the foundation!  If you look at the serving recomendations (which are based on a percentage of total caloric intake), the whole grains and white potato group is listed as 20% or less of calories.  Yep, you can eat basically no grains or potatoes at all and be eating properly.  That's a long way from having grains, white and whole, at the base of the pyramid!

Above nuts/seeds/avocados and whole grains/white potatoes should be a dotted line because really, you don't need anything in the top two levels to survive.  But the option is there.  Apparently the benefits of eating less animal protein follows step in step down to about 5-10% of calories and then the data is a bit too sketchy to difinitively say with 100% certainty that 0% is better than 5% but really, go big or go home.  I want to do it all the way and stop relying (read: hoping, praying) that I can still use eggs as a binder in baked goods.  Just bite the bullet and get some new vegan recipes already.  Am I right?

In addition to the food pyramid, Eat to Live gives a a score sheet of sorts for different foods.  One of the main ideas of the book is that Health is a pruduct of what you eat, in particular to how many nutrients you eat compared to how many calories you consume.  Health = Nutrients / Calories.  White bread has very few nutrients and a lot of calories so it gets a very low score.  Kale on the other hand has tons of nutrients but is very low in calories so it gets a very high score.  Here's a brief breakdown:

100 Green Leafy Vegetables: kale, spinach, mustard greens, collard greens, swiss chard, (I would guess nettles go here too)

95 Other Green Vegetables: broccoli, asparagus,cabbage, cok choy, cabbage, green beens, peas, snap peas    

50 (yeah, only 50!) Other Nutrient Dense Vegetables: mushrooms (not actually a vegetable but whatever), eggplant, zucchini, artichokes, onions, garlic, radishes

45 Fruits: blueberries, strawberries, apples, oranges, lemons, banana, etc.

40 Beans and Lentils: Black beans, navy, kidney, pinto, chickpeas, lentils (all types), lima beans, etc.

30 Nuts, Seeds, and Avocados: walnuts, almonds, pistachios, cashews,  flax seeds, chia seeds, hemp seeds, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, avocados 

25 Colorful Starchy Vegetables: Sweet potatoes, pumpkin, turnips

20 Whole Grains and White Potatoes: oats; buckwheat; quinoa; brown rice, wild rice, wheat; rhy; whole grain products: bread, pasta, etc; white potatoes

1 Refined oil: olive oil, canola oil, saflower oil etc.

0 Refined Sugars: honey, sucrose (table sugar), maple syrup, agave nectar

This list is only with regard to nutrient / calorie content and does not take into account factors like the effect of the food on blood glucose, the fact that animal protein is pro-cancer, or the form of the fat (i.e. unsaturated versus saturated).  So within the list above there are some foods that are clearly not as healful as others in the same nutrient group.  I italicized the foods that I have access to here in Denmark and that I plan to emphasize incorporating into my diet.  Sadly, it's dificult to get my hands on most of the leafy greens (althogh there is a bit more variety in the autumn) but fortunately spinach (frozen and fresh) are widely available year round and kale is available frozen year round.  At the other end of the spectrum, I have easy access to whole grain pastas and breads but will be making and effort to incorporate some of the healthier whole grains and eat as many of my grains in the form of actual whole grains instead of as ground into flour as possible.        

My new motto is:

 

It's taped to my fridge. 
This is also taped to my fridge:

THIS IS WHAT YOU EAT:
4 pieces of fruit
50 grams (1.8 oz) of nuts (/seeds)
1 cup (cooked) beans (/lentils)
0.5 kg (1 pound) raw vegetables
0.5 kg (1 pound) cooked vegetables

It's not written on my refrigerator (maybe it should be?) that in that kilo of vegetables should be a big ol' plate of spinach or kale and hopefully a serving of cruciferous veg (kale [double duty!], broccoli, brussels sprouts, or cabbage) as well.

Obviously I am welcome to eat more of those things, and I am also welcome to eat colorful starchy veg (like sweet potatoes) and whole grains AS LONG AS I don't eat so much of them that there isn't room for a minimum of what is listed on that little sign.  And since those are the fun things to eat, I don't really need to remember to eat enough of them, so they're not on the list. 

So there you have it, this is what I am trying to base my cooking around from now on.  Lots of green and leafy vegetables, mushrooms, beans and lentils, and (actual) whole grains.  Let's get cooking!   

Already overwhelmed...

I think I have too much on my plate. I have a few first dates set up and frankly, that's sort of already more than I can deal with. I had a chat with a (very) hot social worker guy and the conversation turned to the date I have tomorrow with the hot (of course he is) soldier guy and I just got this really bad feeling in my stomach about it. That kind of feeling that, even when you don't totally undersrtand where it's coming from, you don't ignore.

I haven't done anything out of the ordinary and have been completely forthcomming and honest with all parties involved, but truth: This 'juggling of attention' thing is not me, and has zero potential to make me a happier or better human being. So I took my profile down.

Hopefully something will come of the contacts I've already made. At the very least, I will be meeting some interesting people in the next few weeks or so, and maybe there'll be mutual butterflies-in-the-stomach-thing with one of them and somebody will want to tolerate having me around for a while. (See, that's already more like it.)

Semi-vegan girl back on the "meat market"; seeking grass fed boy to share in some of life's adventures

Again with the page breaks! So hard to read :( Apparently it works if everything is a quote so that's the lousy fix I'm going with...

So it feels like I am the ONLY single person living outside of Copenhagen. About a month ago I had a close incounter (i.e. we were in the same room) with an attactive young man roughly my age and I nearly stripped off all my cloths right then and there. A couple days later cute guy rode past me in the forest on his mountain bike and I seriously considered turning Cricket around to chase him down...yelling something like, "Let's take a water break together!".

Long ago a seed was planted when someone I met at a party had told me about net-dating and how the girls were really lucky because there's way more men that women on there. Recent desperation combined with listning to my favorite radio sex/love advice guy (Savage Love Podcasts--totally dig that guy)advising a caller to not be such an old fashioned douche bag and use net-dating like the rest of the world in the 21st century; combined with a fairly agressive marketing campain by "Dating.dk" involving basically every bus stop billboard space in all of Sjælland, combined with me being bored out of my mind at home the past few days with two really bad colds in a row and...

Voila! I am now officially net-dating and it is AWESOME.

The awesomeness started with writing my profile. I think that if all this net dating stuff goes nowhere at all, it has been a really good exercise for me to have sat down and formulate then articulate (in Danish!) my thoghts about who I am and where I am in my life right now, and also to think really hard about what it is I would like to find right now. I sort of went a little (a lot) overboard with the profile writing in the end. I think I started out pretty ok, but then I got wise to how things work and in I let it get out of controll. The good advice to follow would probably to make your profile short and sweet but taking good advice has never been my forte and I may have to add chapter headings to mine.

I found that when I started I didn't really know what to write. I knew I wanted "to not be completely alone" but exactly what sort of relationship was I looking for? A. Flirt? B. Date? C. Boyfriend? (Apparently "D. Eventually all of the above, and pref' but not nec' in that order" isn't an option.) How tall or short should this flirt/date/boyfriend be? What sort of weight range and body type (there are seriously like six categories for body type)? Then the hard stuff.

WHO AM I? What sort of qualities am I looking for in a flirt/date/boyfriend? SELL YOURSELF. Define your market. [Curser blinks on blank screen.] So I wrote some shit up and clicked send. Then I went boy surfing.

OMG, yum. And, as I suspected, I am the only single person located outside of Copenhagen (I knew it!). I imediately found a few hotties that seemed at least first-dateable and clicked, "Interested!". Then, after no time at all, "bling, bling, bling"; "You've got mail"...

...from wierdos. Nothing like a spontanious offer of anal sex (that rhymes!) to kindle the fire of a long and meaningful relationship. But there was also "Interested!" notices from a few normal-ish sounding people who were so unbelievably not my type is was insane. Like, they were hot and all, but WTF were they thinking clicking on me? No way was I their type. Like, what are you, bodyboilding tattoo guy living in central Copenhagen, exactly planning for us to talk about on our first date? Or were you planning to talk? I mean, I know those are the most flattering pictures I have of myself in that photo album but, let's get real: Do I come off as the type you don't take home to your mother?

Also, I am pretty sure I was explicit that my hobbies are basically running around alone in the forest and hanging out with domestic animals. So what all the night-out-on-the-town city types thought we were going to do together in our free time is beyond me. Also, did I not clearly say men 22-36, Mr.47 year old...wait, just a minute, OMG, you also live in south Jutland? (Ok, so clearly I'm not not the only one living outside of Copenhagen...)

But seriously, what on earth are these old guys thinking? To be fair, the write ups of several of them really did give me the impression that they may have been type when they were younger but I am just not turned on by anyone that much older than me. It starts to feel Dad-ish. Plus, the long term reprocussions of being with someone that old sort of scare me off of purposly starting anything. I magine that I will wind up growing old with someone someday but preferably at roughly the same rate, ya know? One guy actually thought that telling me that his two adult daughters were "horse girls" growing up would be a selling point. Uhm, no.

I figured that having "American" in my screen name was probably acting as something of a freak magnet but I couldn't come up with anything else catchy; I
decided to employ other tactics. Reading lots of profiles gives you an idea of what is good, or at least what you like. So I expanded mine a bit. And, tentatively, I put in a few of the flattering pictures of me in work cloths and cute shots of the ponies and such. Like, maybe some of these people can't read between the lines, so let's give them some visuals.

A few more people clicked "Interested!" but after chatting back and forth a little it was clear that people were still reading things into me that were totally off base. One guy who I had actually set up a date with right at the beginning (while I was still in the giddy phase, and before the 'advanced filter' style profile went up) kept comming afterwards with hinting questions and as time went on I had more and more a feeling that what he really wanted was a wife-replacement for his house on Møn (google map it--that shit is FAR away from me...and anything else). "Nice photos...kind of looks like the nature we have down here." "Oh, horses...horse lovers paradise down here." I was starting to dread our date but I figured at least it would be "an experience". Then he came out with it, totally explicit style. Would I be willing to move down to live in his home town if things got serious. WTF dude, how should I know how I'm going to feel in a few years if/when we are in love. I don't even know what I'm going to eat for dinner! Date canceled.

I should also mention that apparently this is one of the more "serious" dating sites because you have to pay for it. That combined with the reality that the majority of people my age have been dicking around for quite a few years figuring themselves and their lives out and are now getting ready to settle down whereas I am sort of traveling in the reverse direction on life's journey--settled down first, trying to figure my shit out afterwards--sort of makes me the odd man out in the general dating community on this site. I needed to find a way to better get that across. I mean, it's not like I am sure I don't want those things someday--it's just that well, I'm also not 100% sure that I do, and I definitely do not have a timeline in mind.

Armed with a bit more of a feeling of what these profiles are supposed to contain and also, realizing that I had to scare off some of the non-compatibles if I wanted to keep my sanity (obviously there is no way to keep the wierdos away) I went to work. I sort of got into it and went crazy town writing an entire novel and putting all sorts of photos including even some of the not-so-flattering ones of me working and LOTS of horse pictures.

Like I usually do with things I've written, the editing process has been ongoing and nonstop. I re-read and tweak and rearrange and correct language errors like 200,000 times a day. Obsessed much? Temporarily, yes. I have finally made myself sick and tired of re-reading it so I think it's done--or at least I can't stand to do anything more with it.

Imediately I stopped getting so many "Interested!" notices. I was feeling pretty good about it, but was also a little worried that maybe I had taken things too far. I mean, better a few too many mis-matches in the mix than nobody "Interested!" at all, right? Then I got an "Interested!" from a hot firefighter who had a bunch of photos of himself hiking in Nepal. (Be still my heart!) I wasted about an hour chatting with hot fireman guy before he broke out the "I want a wife and then lots and lots AND LOTS of babies" routine. Clearly I still hadn't gone far enough...so I added in my secret weapon--stating explicitly that I would never marry again. Bouyah. Plus I changed my search criteria from "boyfriend" to "date" to make myself seem less serious. (Drastic times call for drastic measures.)

Things have slowerd WAY down but amazingly a few people have still "Interested!" me, and a couple of the people I have been "Interested!" in have "Interested!" back. I am sort of in shock. Maybe I won't be alone forever! (!!!)

Here's the masterpiece (translated) in all it's glory:

P.S. How cool am I that I could write all that in Danish (NOT relying on google translate!!)? Very cool if I do say so myself. :)

"Non-traditional girl seeks boy with open mind"

About me:

I grew up in the suburbs near Seattle but have lived in Denmark six years
now. I moved here in 2006 when I married a Dane, but we left each other a year and a half ago. We are still good friends and because we didn’t have any kids together, it’s a good thing we have a shared dog to keep us a little in each other’s lives. I have decided to stay in Denmark permanently because my life is here, and Denmark has become my home now.

I am only (already!) 29 but have been through a lot of big things in my life—got married young, moved to a different country, and also got ivorced
relatively young—and of course it’s changed me; but I think that, in all ways, the experiences have made me into a better, bigger, and more interesting person. I am a very positivegirl that thinks life is awesome. I am very “chilled out” but also adventuresome and because I have figured out that a lot more interesting things come into my life when I don’t try to follow a particular path, I have thrown the map out of the window.

When I first moved toDenmark I lived in Northwest Copenhagen and then
afterwards in Lyngby, but I’m most happy to live in the countryside like I do now. At the same time, I think it’s important for me to take a trip into the city once in a while; just put on some nicer cloths and go to a café or museum. I like to meet new people and get to know when, but am much more the ‘cozy gathering of good friends’, than the 'big party with a bunch of strangers’ type.

I love animals and nature, and spend most of my free time together with my dog and ponies and take trips into the forest as often as I can: running trips, horseback riding, mushroom picking, etc. I love to cook; a lot of dinners these days are sandwiches because I’m so often out of the house, but I think it’s totally fun to make a big menu for dinner guests or make a new recipe in the evening to try something new. Once in a while I get an itch and suddenly feel like I need to do something creative—I’m not especially good at anything but try anyway, so once in a while some strange art-like things are produced or I write a short funny story on my blog.

I have a degree as a high school biology teacher and formerly worked as such, but now I make a living as a handicap helper. It’s a relatively easy job that gives me a lot of ‘air’ in my life so I can manage to do a lot in my free time. Besides my “real” job , I have a small business where I work with horses as a hoof trimmer—something I learned to do in the US before I moved here. Just recently I got a hold of some nelected ponies and, since I’m getting interested in working with kids again, am beginning to give training/riding lessons to some kids that live nearby whileI fix the ponies up. It makes life a little too busy at the moment, but better that than being bored at home!

I am a girl, so of course I like to be romantic, but it’s the small everyday
stuff that means the most to me. I would much rather have a hug and a kiss out of the blue than a bouqet of roses on a certain date. My idea of a really special day is sleeping in and making brunch together. Maybe we’ll have to argue a little over who gets to choose the music while we work in the kitchen (I vote foke!), but really have not lived until you have tried my
blueberry pancakes. ;)

*Warning*

There's dirt under my findernails more often than they are painted with nail polish (although I always wash my hands before I cook), almost always have at least one bruise on my legs, my hair chooses it’s own color, and in the summer my arms are dark brown and my stomach snow white because I go around in t-shirts instead of bikins. I’m naturally slim and try to take care of myself but I do not kill myself toachieve a certain weight. I usually put on a few pounds at Christmas time and do not want to hear any complaining about it. (But at the same time you may do the same ;) I’m not allergic to lipstick—it’s just that I live in a way that chapstick is often more relevant. Look in at my photos—you can see me how I am in there.

The car and house are always a chaos and I do not clean them as often ask I should. You’re welcome to hire a cleaning lady if it’s a problem for you.

I love kids and think my life would feel really empty without a few around me (look at my photo album!), but I have been satisfied with my role as ”aunt” so far, and am not burning to be a mother myself yet—and who knows if that day will ever come or not. If you’re "ready and waiting to start a family", this girl is not the baby factory you are looking for. Move on!

I travel once or twice a year to the US to visit my family but otherwise don’t dream especially much about traveling to other countries. I’ve seen quite a bit of the US and Europe and enjoyed (a lot, actually) my travels, but that’s not what’s at the top of my list right now and as there’s never enough time or money for everything, that’s not what it gets used on. A camping trip to Fynen or Sweden sounds really fun, but a trip around the world is not for me right now—but you are of course welcome to take off without me. I’ll miss you loads and take good care of your fishtank while you’re gone. ;)

If at some point you dream of seeing me in a wedding dress, I have quite a
few professional photos of it. I hope that can be enough for you. I don’t
think I could promise to be with someone “forever” again when what I actually believe in is being good towards one another forever, and together only as long as that’s the best thing for both of you. I know that destroys the fantasy a little, but I still hope that a family of some sort and a long relationship with someone I love is in the future for me (although I am in no rush to get there!)

______________

So, is there anyone who dares?

Looking for:

I want to find someone who is interesting and who enriches my life. I think that someone I can talk to and be silent with, have experiences with and relax with, laugh and cry with, do things together and come home to when we've been appart will make me very happy. I don't want anything too casual but am also not on the hunt for a husband. Let's take it slow and see what happens (for f' sake!).

It's probably best that you, like me, are an independent person with your own life and interestes. I do not have a picture in my head that you have to live up to and I'm not perfect either, so as long as you can live with your faults and still be happy I ought to be able to do the same.

I should also say that you will have to have enormous patients for my crappy Danish, learn "Danglish", and unfortunately still listen to a lot of English. But my American accent is real cute. ;)

I managed two casual dates before round two of worst cold ever struck me down again. Interesting people, but nothing I think is going to go anywhere. As soon as I am back on my feet the adventures will continue...

Let this be a warning to all of you (JK) // Breaking up is actually not that hard to do (and feels awesome) dunna dunna dunna

(No idea why there are no paragraph breaks. Sorry.)

So the last friend I have left from my brief stint at Copenhagen University, Pål, has been behaving himself like an ass for about the past year. We used to be able to talk about anything and while I was at school we saw each other a few times a week. After a while there developed some nice flirty sexual tension which was mutually acknowledged, but nothing ever came of it. When I stopped school I obviously saw him less but after a while he started acting really strange. I could tell the sexual tension thing had sort of run it's course and died a quiet death but I had hoped/assumed that the friendship would still be there.

Cut to me being the only one who ever initiates things, and him becoming progressively more and more dodgy about taking calls and scheduling meet-ups.

Anyway, after literally a couple of months trying to nail him down to a coffee meet-up in Copenhagen (i.e. way more inconvenient for me than him) so we could exchange the books we had loaned each other the last time we saw each other--when he came up to visit me in my old appartment BACK IN DECEMBER--I finally got him to answer the phone. He was super akward and told me he wouldn't be able to arrange anything until after some trip he was taking to Turkey with his class and by the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy... he has kind of a girl he's seeeeeing/daaating, ......actually she's his girlfriend. [Akward pause inserted by him.]

This was sort of ironic timing because just the day before I had found out (by noticing the new name on the mailbox and then, all the moving boxes full of girly stuff that I saw all over the house when I opened the door to drop off Ven for the weekend) that Morten's girlfriend has moved in. I am proud to announce that my first and only reaction to the news was to be really happy for Morten.

Back to akward phone conversation...

I didn't know what to do with the wierd energy coming from Pål so I was just like, "Well, oooohhhK, call me when you get back then.". I've been sitting on it for a few days but you know what? I made a decision and wrote this email to him today:

Pål,

I've been waiting and trying to say this in person to you but I just want to have it done now. I am breaking up with you--as a friend. I really don't know what the fuck is going on with you but you're barely in my life at all and what little interaction we have makes me feel like crap. The world is full of people who won't want to spend time with me, but somehow you're the only one who makes me feel wierd about it. I have been feeling for a long time like you have lost interest in seeing me (which is fine) but still allowed me to drag you through coffee meet ups and a tortorous visit to the countryside out of some misplaced sympathy for me or cowardly inability to speak up about what you're feeling (not fine). And Jesus, Morten had an easier time telling me his girlfrfiend moved into the house we bought together than you did telling me you're dating someone. WTF, egotistical much?

So here's the deal, people who continualy make me feel bad do not get to continue to be in or potentially in my life. I know what it's like to be busy and to have friends that are busy and that is NOT what this feels like. You've had a bunch of chances, so now you can just return my fucking books in the mail. It does shitty things to my head to continue to wonder/hope about what is going on with you/our friendship and why you are being so elusive and is it just me being sensitive and just give him another chance and blah blah blah. It's not just me being sensitive, and I deserve better.

[Address was here]

Please do it sooner than later so I can wrap this shit op and cross it off my to do list. I need your new address so I can do the same.

P.S. I feel so much fucking better already.

And you know what? I do feel better. A lot better. :)

RIP Mr. Dumbest Bird Ever.

I killed a bird with my car today. (Murderer.) And I did not feel bad about it. (Sociopath.) Wood pigeons are either suicidal or the dumbest animals on the planet. I suspect it's the latter.

Exhibit A: Columba palumbus, aka Wood Pigeon, Culver, Ringduen (Ring dove), Skovduen (Forest Dove)Today a wood pigeon flew down from the sky and landed in front of my car while I was doing 80 km/hr. I was the only car on the road, and indeed the only moving object within sight, but apparently the patch of asphault 7 meters ahead of me was the place to be. I really hope that bird really liked that piece of asphault becaues he's going to be there forever now.

I rolled my eyes and tapped the breaks when I saw him flying down but then I thought, surely he's not actually going to land there. Plus, what's the point in possibly driving off the road for a stupid bird that should probaby be eliminated from the gene pool anyway. So I hit him doing about 75 km/hr.


Exhibit B: A cloud of feathers aka 'What I saw in my rear view mirror (minus the demonstrators and the Capitol building--Google Images you let me down this time but I will forgive you because you are usually pretty awesome).'I also felt a small bump under the tire. I am sure that Mr. Bird died even faster than instantly. Actually , it was kind of cool to see. Until you have either plucked a chicken, or seen a wood pigeon commit suicide in your rear view mirror you really can't appreciate how many feathers a bird actually has on it's body. Answer: Alot.

The funny thing is, I really don't remember ever seeing bird road kill in the US. Maybe I'm just romanticising things or maybe my memory is bad but I really can't recall ever seeing even one example. And I'm really thinking hard here. Anyway, here in Denmark I have seen a few dead crows and magpies, mostly on the the side of the road. Usually it looks like they were hit while eating something else that was hit earlier. Occupational hazard of being a scavanger I guess, and fair enough. But the wood pigeon carcases are all over the map. On the side, in the middle, to the left of center, to the right of center, etc. I can't even figure out why a wood pigeon would be on the road at all. Are there a lot of bread crubs or seeds out there?

As for why Mr. Dumbest Bird Ever chose to die today, we'll probably never know. Maybe he was severely depressed. Maybe he saw his wife out with a peacock and knew he could never please her in the same way. Maybe he had booz for breakfast. Maybe he was blind and deaf. But he was probably just really really stupid.

I wonder if they even have brains.